What comes after 2022

I have a few issues right now.

1. My patience kept running low towards guys.
2. I'm afraid that someone would tell either Stickman or Tummy Fats that I have a crush on them.

So, I don't really know why my patience are starting to run low towards guys. Especially those who always stick around me often at work. Not to mention who. I doubt someone from NS is reading this. But in case someone from NS do read this, i freaking beg you to not say a word. Although i know there's no such thing as "secrets" in NS. Pfft. Damn. I don't know why, but some just crossed over my very little boundary of patience. But then, i'm still in good condition though. It's just that I tend to go berserk over small things or just get pissed easily. Am i getting old? Am i dying soon? Hais. This is absurd. I can't become the happy-go-lucky me like i used to be. Getting old sure is not a good thing in life. But this is life.

So today, I mean yesterday was 14 feb, and so it is the freaking oh so famous V-day! I don't celebrate and I don't wish to celebrate it because I'm a Muslim, but everyone who came to NS especially the girls either have a bouquet of flowers in their hands of chocolates and heart shape balloons! I get jealous because no one wants me. Well most probably because i'm fat and ugly. But who cares, there's a thing called "foreveralone club" HAH! And it that club, we are not foreveralone, cause there's a lot of people in it. So I don't mind. I don't mind either if someone didn't ask me out. Reason being? HELLO, AS IF MY PARENTS WOULD SAY "Ya sure go and have a good date but be back before midnight!" Even Cinderalla gets to do that. But too bad, I'm not even as good looking as Babarella. HEH. Lol. But anyhoots, I have a controlled life so, oh well, ya know what I mean yaw.

So secondly, I am very quite afraid that someone in NS who knows I have a crush on Stickman or TummyFats actually accidently or purposely told them that i have a crush on them. Well, prior experience told me that, if any of them were to find out I have a crush on them, i would get the same treatment as how i used to get my the crushes i used to have a crush on during secondary school days. I know i'm fat, i'm ugly and i'm no one's ideal girl. I'm loud, well too loud to say, sometimes crazy, sometimes ignorant, sometimes arrogant, i was never sweet, even when i tried to be sweet, it looks disgusting, but hey, i'm still human you know. I never wanted to be treated so shitty that it hurt my feelings whenever a guy i had a crush on actually say mean things to me when they found out I have a crush on them. It hurts. Really it does. I kept for quite some time about my crush towards Stickman, i shouldn't have told anyone. I shouldn't have told anyone about TummyFats too. Cause when I knew someone knows about it, i would start to talk about my crushes way too much. That's a bad habit. Yeah i know.

Habits do stay and i don't know how i should get rid of all my ugly habits. I'm loud and happy at times, but one day if i shut up, you know something is really wrong with me. If i'm around but you can't sense my presence, you jolly well understand that i need some comfort. No matter how tired I am, my battery is always running high and i've always been loud. I wonder when I could change that attitude. Well sometimes people do say "Hey do you know you're too loud" Well, i get embarrassed most of the time, but do you know that, IF ONLY I could change that attitude, I would be the happiest girl alive on this earth? Unfortunately I can't. You people think it is easy for people to change uh? Well the saying does says, "People change" but how long it takes? Depends on individual. And it is taking me ages to change ! I wasn't a loud kid when I was young, i've been quite but when i grew up, this is what i became. It's not fair that people think i've always been loud.

But yeah my point is, i don't want either Stickman or TummyFats to know that i liked them. Cause if they do find out, i'm afraid i can't handle the shame and words that they're gonna say. I don't think they would say anything nice if they find out. They might avoid me. They might say mean things to me. I don't know. I just don't want things to happen even know I know one day it will happen again. I'm just not ready to get broken again now.