I Dream - 19.12.2020

When I start a relationship, when I ask Allah for this person, when I said yes, never once in my head was it for me to trial and error. 

When I love, I love with my all as long as Allah wills for it to be. And Allah knows my capability for HE is the All Knowing.

I want to be someone's Insha Allah, Yes.

I do not want to be someone's Insha Allah, Maybe. 

If you can no longer talk about us, if you can no longer sit and think about us. Please let me go. Or pleaae leave me. I've done my best, i've done my part. I know i'm not the best in the market and I know I have dreams. I will follow my dreams because my parents has never taught me to give up on my dreams.

And I dream of being with someone who loves me more than I love him. I dream of being with someone whose heart always puts Allah first. I dream of being with someone whos is responsible and able to make both my parents and his happy. I dream of being with someone who knows how to differentiate their priorities. And most importantly, I dream of being with someone who doesn't make me feel lonely when i'm with them. 

And i keep dreaming. But i'm going to chase my dream. 

But sometimes I question, is my soul dark? Is that why I kept meeting dark souls too? Is my soul no longer light, fluffy and happy? Is that why I don't get to meet someone who is light, fluffy and happy? I want to laugh and fly like I used to. Am I toxic Ya Allah? Am I? 

They say you are a mirror image of who you attract... am I Ya Allah? 😔