MNBMA - 13.09.2020

Four months into this relationship.

I can't understand you anymore. 

I feel like I don't even know you anymore. 

What is going on? I have no idea. You went cold after the fight we had last month and everything is just unpleasant from then on.

Am I in the wrong? Was I not doing things right? Have I not love you enough? Did I love you too much? 

So many nasty, negative and toxic things started to crowd my thoughts. I'm thinking that you are cheating on me. I'm thinking that you are punishing me for what you experience in the past. I'm thinking that somebody is teaching you to hurt me with purpose.

Ya Allah, why do I have to go through this? It hurts so much Ya Allah. Ya Allah, please help me heal Ya Allah. I feel so down and so broken right now I don't even know what to do. 

Sayang, kalau awak dah tak sayang saya lagi, kalau awak dah tak setia dengan saya lagi, tolong lepaskan saya. Lepaskan saya jadi saya bebas dari hubungan kita. Kenapa awak masih nak simpan status hubungan ini sedangkan cara layanan awak seperti saya ini tidak bermakna lagi bagi awak. Kenapa cara layanan awak terhadap saya kejam sehingga ini. Saya tak rasa saya pernah lakukan seperti ini kepada sesiapa pun...

Ya Allah, aku sentiasa mencari yang beragama dan berakhlak supaya dia dapat membimbing aku dan keluarga aku ke jalanmu yang benar. I thought I found the one Ya Allah.. he wasnt everything that I wanted but he used to do things that makes mw happy Ya Allah. What happen to us Ya Allah? Aku tak faham Ya Allah. Sungguh..