What comes after 2022

It's February 2023 and i'm reflecting again. In 2022, a lot happened. Like really, a lot. 

1) I FINALLY found out that all the while MNBMA was trying to "mend" things with me, he already had someone. Because Allah showed me the truth and I was taken aback. I was taken aback at the audacity of him, having a fiancee and still trying to chase me? Like dude? But at the end he twisted everything and made it as if I (ME?) had to stay away from him for him to protect his relationship with his future wife, what the f..........? You came back, trying to "mend" things and chased, and then twisted back everything. Allah really showed me your true colours as i've always asked for. 

2) UBS unfollowed me from IG idk for whatever reason when i've been treating him like a friend ever since the break up. Saw him at the expo once and he didnt look happy at all when he saw me. I mean... we were doing well as friends after the break up... so...? I don't know man... I really don't.

3) I fell in love with MMBM, and now trying to fall out of love. Being with MMBM was effortless. I get to be myself. I enjoyed everything we do together. We completed overcooked2 with 3 stars for every level together, we had a lot of discord dates watching TSL One Week Love together..  He loves watching me play my SIMS always telling me how much he loves me because of my personality and the little-little things. But like all good things, it had to end. I was in a terrible mental state trying to process the breakup. I cried worst than when MNBMA broke up with me. Everything went well, we didnt fight.. there were no reason for a break up.. But he said "maybe it was just feelings of infatuation and lust" and that took me to another level of sadness. So all these while.. while everything felt genuine.. you're telling me... it was just an infatuation? What are we? 16? You asked me be yours you were so sure. And then now you're telling it was JUST an infatuation. I'm... speechless. And then here I am STILL trying to deal with the feelings and memories and still wishing that what you said after the break up was just a lie. But now, looking back at the whole situation.. you even made a new dating app so you could replace me. You know what still doesn't make any sense to me? You realised being in a relationship is not something that you want. That maybe you liked the idea of a relationship and attention but not the responsibility or commitment. It is the fact that you said I was the best, that I understand you the best, that you could never find someone like mey. And then you are sad that you might be single your whole life. WHAT THE HELL IS IN YOUR HEAD?! I can never understand and I don't want to anymore. You chose to walk out, you chose to let me walk out, you didn't want me, you didn't want us and you want ME to respect YOUR decision and feelings. But you know what's the worst about all this? It is the fact that I still hopelessly kept praying for you, for us. The only hope I have is Allah. And the saddest part is, I couldnt see myself with other guys the way I see us... and that hurts me, deeply. 

4) I'm changing my job. February would be my last month as a photographer in this place. And after this a new challenge and adventure lies ahead.

February is a month of a lot of changes... I had to deal with my feelings. I had to deal with changes again. I just want peace this year and I will try my best. I will deal, i will heal and I will get myself back.